7 Everythings I’ve Learned When I Finally Got What I Wanted

theYou guys.  I’m super excited about my first guest post.  I couldn’t think of a better person to write it than:  

<– Holly. 

Holly is seriously the sweetest person you could ever encounter, and I am lucky to call her one of my best friends. She has also become one of my favorite writers.   You can check her out at Cartwheels Down the Hall.  She’s hilarious, and I’m pretty sure we could create an entire book from out text messages and Facebook posts that would have you rolling.on.the.floor.laughing. {Wait . . . file that under “First Book Idea”}

Holls and I met in college our freshmen year and ended up being inseparable.  We now live nearly 700 miles apart, but make a point to see each other at least every summer. The two of us have a special friendship where we can talk about all the everythings and all the nothings—which usually take place during sporadic phone conversations that last an hour . . . or two.  

Over the past several years, she chose to let me in to a dark period of her life when her heart crumble as she and her husband struggled to get pregnant.  One of the worst feelings in the world is having your BFF cry on your shoulder and there is nothing you can do to fix the problem—just listen.  {Let it be noted though that I did offer to be a surrogate for that baby!}.

Finally the day came when I received a special call—the call where she told me she was “with child.” {I really like that phrase}.  

She got what she wanted after all these years.  And that is exactly what she chose to write about for this segment of “7 Everythings I’ve Learned.”  

Enjoy. 

HOLLY: 

 When Courtney approached me about writing a guest post, I was thrilled with the theme. I tossed around all kinds of ideas, but every one pertained to something I felt like I’d already “survived.”  The call to write about a more current “life topic” was strong.
     My husband and I tried for exactly two years to conceive our first child. (As I write this, I’m feeling all kinds of flips and flops in my tummy as I’m currently 29 weeks pregnant.  Yippee)!
     Struggling to conceive was hard, guys.  I need another word for “hard.”  Awful?  Traumatic?  We are fortunate in that we didn’t have to go through any complicated treatments or the expense and heartbreak of failed medical procedures.  One day, the plus sign just showed up.  Hallelujah.  I could write an entire post on that topic, alone (and almost did).
     Maybe you are waiting on a baby, too.  Maybe you are on the hunt for a new house or working towards a new promotion.  The list of new life events we wait for is endless, so here’s a list of things you may find helpful when the wait is finally over.
When you get what you want, remember this…
1. It will not fix “all the everythings.”  (Thank you, Courtney, for that sweet, new catchphrase)!  Your dog will still pee on the floor.  Your husband will still put un-rinsed chocolate milk glasses in the sink.  Ain’t enough lotto-winnings or job promotions in the world to fix all that mess.  Do not be disappointed.
2.  It will fix things you didn’t even know were broken. While we were in the trenches of trying to conceive, I was doing a lot of “crying in the car.”  For me, that is always a red flag.  A sign that something needs to be “fixed.”  In short, I think I was really, really struggling with my emotions.  Depression.  Jealousy.  Blinding rage. You know the drill. I remember crying to my husband and saying, “I don’t want to “just get pregnant”…I want to FIX this.”  And he looked me in the eye and said,
“Baby.  Getting pregnant IS going to fix this.”
And that was a hard truth, but one I needed to hear.
     In some ways, my sweet husband was right.  This pregnancy “fixed” many, many emotional issues.  It has brought about a lot of healing, especially in my marriage. Imagine my relief to find that “getting what I wanted” made all these sweet life experiences that much sweeter and filled holes in my heart I didn’t even know existed.
3. Your “want” will likely bring about change, new obstacles, and also a truckload of chaos.   Perhaps number 3 needs no explanation.  Celebrate, and hold on tight.
4. It might not always “feel” right.  And now, it’s time for my favorite John Steinbeck quote.   “And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens—The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.”  
 
Don’t panic if, after you’ve reached your goal, you’re still feeling unsettled.  It doesn’t mean your new position in life isn’t “right.”  It just means that Numbers 1 and 3 hold true.  Don’t give up.  
5. People will be really, really good and also really, really weird.  Humans are strange animals.  Chances are, the people you encounter are going to want to talk to you about your outstanding, new accomplishment.
How was graduation? 
When do you close on your house? 
Do you like your new co-workers?
People will come out of the woodwork to love and serve you well.  It’s fantastic.  Really.
And then come the weirdos.  I had two people publicly ask me if my pregnancy was planned. That calls for an enthusiastic “yes”…but why even ask such a personal question in a room full of people?  It was awkward!
Be prepared to have a few odd encounters as you share your news.
How much was your raise?  
Is your boss single?  
Has anyone ever died in your new house?  
Try to approach these situations with as much humility and grace as possible.
6. Don’t get distracted by the question, “Why?”  
Why did it take so long for me to find a spouse?  
Why didn’t we get the first house we made an offer on?  
Why was I overlooked for the promotion the first time?  
You  might find out the answer in the near future…or you might not ever know. Try not to let the mystery that is “the past” distract you from the joy you’re surely experiencing now!
7. I hate to spoil the ending for you, but everything is going to be ok.
If you’re dealing with a nasty case of “Number 4,” again, don’t panic.  Maybe your new boss is being standoffish.  Maybe there’s more traffic in your new neighborhood than you initially realized.  There are a million different reasons to be nervous or disappointed when change comes about.  Stay the course.  
 
The best advice I ever received came from my sister (via Dr. Phil, haha).  
 
“Always play the ‘what if’ game until the end.” 
 
What if…
 
I’m unhappy at my new job?  Be professional.  Give it a chance, but keep in mind, you can always find another one!  
 
We didn’t choose the right neighborhood? Live with it for a while.  If you’re still unhappy, move on to greener pastures.   
 
Are you currently in the waiting season, or have you seen your way out of it?  What did you learn?  We wanna hear all about it!  
 
I wish you the best of luck in all your new endeavors.   
 
Love and nothing good gets away, 
 
Holly 
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